Herein, you will find struggle, but you will also find hope in a spirit which never quits...
Rosie MacNeil* is not unlike any other bright and promising young woman, but in one regard; she is a young woman whose hopes, dreams, and fondest yearnings for a full life have been put "on hold". You see, she is a young woman who battles severe ME, or otherwise commonly referred to as CFIDS. Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction.
This is a page of her struggle. But not only that, it is a testament to her courage and her strength. The WordSmith is proud to showcase this beautiful young lady's expressive words so that the world may see just what it's like to deal with chronic debilitating illness for which there is, at this time, no cure. Read of her struggle and triumph over this perplexing disorder, as she faces monsters each day and comes out the winner. Each day one survives the turmoil, disappointments, pain, exhaustion and the reality of life just passing by, another brick is fired in the furnace of valor. We commend Rosie's courage, are grateful for her talent, and we pray for her continued fight.
Thank you Rosie, for sharing your world.
Being Housebound or Bed-bound or stuck in a Chair.
Never leaving, or going, or arriving anywhere.
No running or dancing unless in sleep.
Then it's being chased by monsters, with no escape.
No friends coming over, or an impromptu party.
Lying still and quiet, with no company.
Lights are all dimmed, Life is on mute.
Clocks are still turning, but time Is destitute.
Itís the pain that takes you over, a thought that wont come.
An overload of sensation, or youíre just completely numb.
Itís no cowards way out, or an excuse to avoid.
It's sleeping right on the edge,
with a foot in the void.
I was searching for something on the internet the other day, and the word Shadowboxer came up. Which was odd because it bore absolutely no relevance to the search. Anyway it caught my eye because when I was small and lived in Africa we had a kitten called Shadowboxer. She was a stray that we adopted and was MY cat, a fact I was very proud of..lol
She got her name because she had a problem with her eyelashes that made them grow into her eyes making her almost totally blind. By the time we got her, it had done so much damage that the operations we got for her did no good.
The fact that she was almost blind meant that she had this crazy way of walking. She would race around like nothing was wrong and would often run into doors or walls (though not as often as one would imagine) but every so often, if she ran into a shadow, she would stand up on her hindlegs and box the air in front of her. She would box and box but there was usually nothing there, and nothing for her to be scared of.
I have decided it is a hint for me to stop Shadowboxing. Yes, it's not good when you have no view of the future or even the next step, to race at something at full speed with no care as to what lies ahead, (even if full speed is snail pace...lol)
You could be running head long into a wall. But it's also not good to box away at problems and worries that might not ever materialize.
We have to move through the shadows by taking one step at a time and seeing what happens. Without getting scared and trying to fight, just because it COULD be something when it probably isnít. As then you have wasted energy by boxing, which in the end makes it ten times longer in the shadow.
If you've any comments for Rosie, please feel free to Email them to:
ROSIE'S POETRY And thank you for stopping in today.
Fighting these demons.
Donít think I have a chance to win.
Hearing the whispers of a paladin giving in.
Watching heart and hope step away from the fight.
Leaving Body the only defender against the shadows of the night.
Is it truth sinking in its cold hard blade?
Or is it a dagger in the back, by the joker am I being played.
Being drowned by the hand of fate, watching present and future stagnate.
Need new strings for this puppet, voices of love gone cold.
Wonít move as they make me, they have painted this face on.
Though they see me smiling, itís a face of wood with varnish on.
This toy is through with playing, itís just not fun
So put me back in the toy box and let the game be done.